Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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