This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
