i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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