She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
