how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
