You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
it was like eating out sand paper
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
