I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
