I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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