i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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