I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
