I'm lost and stupid without you.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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