if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
