So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
