By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
