fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
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When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
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You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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