Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
