a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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