I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??