I faked an abortion last night.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??