Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother