we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
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Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing