he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
