I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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