if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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