How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
