I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
