My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
