Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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