wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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