I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We are all done wearing pants today
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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