I'm jealous of your bromance
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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