I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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