i don't like sucking hair
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
