so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
