so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I am mentally ready for anal.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
