i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
