My pussy is not your playground.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
