i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You peed on a flamingo?!?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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