U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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