I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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