my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I want a musical about memes.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
