did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I want her autograph on my taint
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
