mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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