I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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