we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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