You smell like a Billy Joel song
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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