woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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