Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
