I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I looked at my own cervix.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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