forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
