here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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