i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
