I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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