i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
