As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don't deserve a penis
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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