yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
