I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
