I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
