I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
