The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
