I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
