sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
