Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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