so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
