dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
