Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
cat food counts as protein by the way
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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