i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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