I hope mine doesn't look like that
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
