I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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