When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
